what exactly do ppl see me as?


do i seem so useless? afraid of hard work? or mayb i've been having things too easy? just realized, ppl who noe me all see me as the happy-go-lucky ger, never have to worry bout stuff, smile abit n everything will be alrite.


hmm.. after awile, i become what ppl tot me to be. never putting in effort, doing the minimal to pass time. when will i ever succeed? ever had ppl tell u, this its too difficult to do, u'll never be able to do it. n u dont.. proving them rite.


pms? mayb.. i'm finally growing up. sometimes, even smiling seems difficult, but ppl expect u to, smile at kids, family, at work. life sux, i'm old enugh to know. there are times when even ppl like me will be too tired to look for the silver lining. cant go ard blaming ppl for not believing i do try my best, when i'm the 1 who has been giving the impression all along.


think i'm not making sense to ppl who noe me. zz.. i've known ME for 28yrs, n still trying to figure what i'm thinking half of the time. have to buck up soon, not gona look back when i'm 50 n realise there are so many things that i might've or should've done, but too lazy to do.


not quite sure y i'm feeling lidat, izit cos it's so late? but 12.39am is normal for me to be still awake. hmm.. think i'm juz too tired of ppl not believing in me. who's to know better den me, what i can n cant do. damn sianz, better go sleep. lucky for me, being in this frame of mind wont last long.


tomorrow will be a better day? mayb if i strike toto group 1... nitey nite all.. sweet dreams, sleep tight.


p.s. to my bb-s, "muackz, i love u"